Friday 28 November 2014

The Hate Affair


Somewhere in my windpipe are words that threaten to come out in a scream,
I mutter them in my head, constantly.
"I hate me. I hate me. I hate me."
 I hate the way I talk, I act,
 I think and breathe. I hate me.
 Who do I think I am? I hate me.
 How am I this worthless? I hate me.
 How dare I think I know better? I hate me.
 How dare I believe, I deserve better? I hate me.
 How am I this conceited? I hate me.
 How can I feel sorry for myself? I hate me.
 How come I always forgive me? I hate me.
 How can I live with myself? I hate me.
 How do I get rid of me? I hate me.
 How come I don't get rid of me? I hate me.
 Does no one else see? I hate me.
 I hate me. I hate every living cell in me.
 I pretend I am hard on me. But I am just a hypocrite,
 And I hate me.
 Will someone please shoot me? I hate me.
 Will no one shoot me? I hate me.
 Is this what I deserve then? Live, to hate me?
 Is there no way out of this affair? I hate me.
 You know...perhaps, if you were to slit my throat,
 I could try one last time, to love me again. 

Tuesday 18 November 2014

The Traveller's Daughter


Do not ask her where she comes from,
She will not know what to say...
She usually claims she is of the world,
Until someone hands her a form asking for her address,
And she recalls, she is not allowed to be at home everywhere.
She does not have too many friends,
But, all her acquaintances think she's strange and sweet,
She's learnt of time differently,
Every second for her is urgent.
She's lived on the edge of enough time zones,
To know that it is possible to go back in time.
But if you did, you'd only make the same mistakes again,
And if you did, you'd relive your way back to today.
She's learnt that it doesn't help to go back in time.
She knows that the sun, is ever present,
And it's only morning when you face it.
That her morning, is someone else's night,
So every morning she prays the whole world sleeps well.
She's had conversations short enough to know that sometimes...
A momentary smile is all you get to contribute to someone's life,
No matter how much you wish to be a part of their everyday.
And that sometimes, you can't recognize the ones you loved,
The next time you see them.
That, that's okay,
If you can only remember how you loved them,
And love them, still.
She's learnt that people change and people grow,
And yet people all, stay the same.
That you can never make up for missed birthday parties or holidays,
Or catch up with years of changing taste in food or music,
But you can start off a conversation where you left off,
If you can find how someone's yesterdays led them to today,
And not hold growing up, or growing old against them.
She knows that far too many alliances fall apart, between nations and people,
Out of suspicion, lack of tolerance and loss of respect,
Than ever did for lack of love.
That even love is not enough to make her lover last,
But if you fall in love continuously,
It will lead you to the best version of yourself.
She has known beauty and seen beauty,
And found, that among all things beautiful,
Nature is the most sexy.
She has been humbled by the mountains and the seas,
So she knows...she is only small,
But believes she's part of some magnificent scheme.
She is a secret keeper, she collects memories and dreams,
Strangers trust her, cause she will only leave.
She could help you heal if you let her,
She has perfected goodbyes,
And she knows how to listen,
Cause she is usually the only one who listens to herself.
But if you want to know where she comes from...
Ask her about her parents, her two friends,
A cold winter night and her favorite spring,
Give her a place and a time,
And she'll tell you in whose heart she lived for a while.